Looking Back
by MissiYoung
Summary: John looks back over his relationship with Sherlock, remembering the good times and the bad.  Each drabble inspired by listening to the song that titles it.  10 drabbles total.  More info inside


Title: Looking Back

Warnings: Some UST, alludes to slash, crime, etc. AU, OOC, Americanisms.

Summary: John looks back on his relationship with Sherlock, remembering the most important parts.

Pairing: John Watson/Sherlock Holmes (not graphic)

A.N.-Using my Playlist on (under tilleezmom), 175 songs, used shuffle feature, 10 fics based on the song titles (and most were clearly influenced by the songs themselves)

Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock as the television series, movie, or books, and make no profit from this

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**Looking Back**

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{One Step At A Time-Jordin Sparks

Song Length: 3:27}

People ask how I became involved in a romantic relationship with Sherlock Holmes. It surprised them when it happened approximately three years after we met; I am uncertain what to tell them. I became his friend first, his protector, his conscious. I can't really say for sure when my view of him changed, I just remember being amused by Molly's overly dramatic mooning but bitterly jealous over Moriarty's very real flirting. As if he hadn't already strapped a bomb on me, kidnapped me twice more, and had me shot at once now he was trying to steal my Sherlock. And when had he become 'my Sherlock' anyway? Sherlock called me on my jealousy that final day, told me we'd take things one step at a time. I've never looked back.

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{I Get Off-Halestorm

Song Length: 3:03}

Sherlock Holmes was frustrating, even after I'd fallen in love with him. His neurotic behavior did not suddenly become 'cute' or 'adorable' or 'lovable'; it remained infuriating and annoying. No, the sex did not make up for it. He was neither unbearably innocent nor secretly slutty; he'd read a great deal on the subject but had never seen the need to do anything physical. He admitted after our first time together that the addition of another person's body heat, etc, had heightened the experience; he's said a great deal more but I rather tuned him out. Listening to an in-depth analysis of our first sexual experience had been rather off-putting. He'd kissed me then, and told me there were a great many other things he wished to try. I've never looked back.

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{Shattered-OAR

Song Length: 4:13}

Monogamy hadn't occurred to Sherlock. I realized afterward that I really had only myself to blame for not having mentioned it myself. That didn't change the way it felt to realize he'd had sex with the check out girl at the nearest market. Or the man who sold fish from the back of his truck in one of the less reputable parts of town. I couldn't bring myself to be angry at him for it, or stop my own relations with him. Harry was the one who called me on it; I realized I must look pretty bad if she'd noticed through the haze of alcohol she used to protect herself from the world. I spent a week with my sister; we both decided to kick our addictions. The day I left her place I received a text from Sherlock; this was not unusual because I'd received a great many texts during my stay with Harry. This one was different in that it had nothing to do with a case. Sherlock asked me when I was coming home; he missed me, he said, and he loved me. I left my sister's that afternoon. I've never looked back.

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{Cowboy-Kid Rock

Song Length: 4:17}

On our first real date I took Sherlock to see a film; he'd chosen the feature, curious to learn something. He hadn't understood the love aspects of the film but he'd been oddly fascinated by the hats. I listened to him wax poetic about them for the next week before deciding to do something nice; I Googled 'Brokeback Mountain + Cowboy Hats'. I ended up finding a great many of the things and had no clue which he'd like best. Before I could get too frustrated an instant message popped on the screen; it was from Mycroft with the link for the appropriate hat. I wasn't sure how Mycroft had my messenger name but didn't argue it. I looked over the 'other people who bought this also liked' feature and ended up adding chaps, a vest, and the very large bottle of KY it offered. When they arrived I placed the box in his room; he was wearing it when I got home two days later. I've never looked back.

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{I've Had The Time Of My Life-Dirty Dancing Soundtrack

Song Length: 4:50}

If I'm asked on my deathbed (provided I have one and don't end up kicking it in a sewer or something) I'll have to say I've had an amazing life since meeting Sherlock. Well, maybe not amazing; definitely not boring, at any rate. He takes my breath away. Even when running after a criminal he's the very picture of poised perfection; everything the old Aristocrats wanted to be and so few actually were. He has the beauty, the poise, the elegance. Of course he's also crass, rude, manipulative, outright cruel at times; as I said, the perfect Aristocrat. Even Mycroft, with his own perfection, cannot live up to the standard set by Sherlock Holmes. And I'm the only person he's ever considered worthy of spending any length of time with socially, never mind our romantic relationship. Romantic may not be the best word but it's the only one I've got. Now that he's not sleeping with everyone in his path he's become so much more focused on me; like he'd determined to discover my every secret. Would I change my life if given the chance to never have met him? Not a chance; I trusted my instincts that day in the lab and I've never looked back.

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{We Will Rock You-Queen

Song Length: 2:01}

Sherlock has taken up an interest in sports. Well, not the sports themselves so much as the music played at sporting events. He's taken to hacking into various satellites and watching international sports in order to listen to their soundtracks. He gets oddly excited and even begins singing them; I wish he wouldn't. Moriarty wasn't quite sure how to take Sherlock's 'stomp stomp clap' during their last encounter. Then he complimented Sherlock's bum when he raised his leg to stomp again, so I shot him. Sure I got shot in response but I've never looked back; wanker.

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{Mississippi Girl-Faith Hill

Song Length: 3:52}

The Holmes brothers can change their personalities to suit any situation. I wondered sometimes if anyone actually knew who they were underneath that; I knew I didn't. Then Sherlock took me to meet his mother at a dinner party. She was the quintessential Lady of Society until everyone else left. Then she changed almost completely; she was laughing honestly, fussed over her sons like any other mother would. Sherlock explained it to me later; while she may be a great many things, she was still just a girl from Cornwall under it all. It was something to consider; it also made me that much more determined to discover 'who' Sherlock was. I decided to take his own approach to it; he seems to enjoy my efforts as much as I do, no matter how frustrating they may be at times. I couldn't ever look back with regret.

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{Christmas Eve Sarajevo-Trans Siberian Orchestra

Song Length: 3:25}

Over Christmas our second year as a couple we got sent abroad; terrorists, kidnapping, possible prostitution ring. It was fascinating in its own way but when I'd left the Middle East I'd been so determined not to spend another Christmas there; on Christmas Eve I ended up at an American military base with some men I'd helped patch back together. We hadn't cared if they were from our own military, all we cared about was getting as many men back on the front lines as possible. Sherlock came and found me well into the third bottle with my new old mates; I ended up talking about quite a few things I've never told anyone about my time abroad. It helps, he says, because now he understands some things from my point of view. I look back on that time with gratitude.

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{O Holy Night-Trans Siberian Orchestra

Song Length: 4:17}

The first time Sherlock topped me in bed was a religious experience; his careful control and impossibly sharp eyes ensured that I never had to tell him when I didn't like something, or it made me uncomfortable. He played my body so much more masterfully than I'd ever heard him do that violin of his (I know he can play well, he just chooses not to). He made the earth move, mountains crumble and all that rot. I know there must have been some pain because that's to be expected but I can't remember it; much like when women give birth all I can remember is the build up and the aftermath. I am fairly certain I even had an out of body experience. I called out to my God, prayed and pleaded for completion and whatever else I needed at the time. The next morning Mrs. Hudson asked if we'd been performing an exorcism or something with the amount of loud praying she'd heard; Sherlock told her we'd had a holy night. I look back on that night and end up jumping my lover without thinking.

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{Can You Feel The Love Tonight?-The Lion King Soundtrack (Disney Version)

Song Length: 4:01}

The day Sherlock agreed to marry me may well be the happiest day I will ever experience. He'd just come back from solving a case while I was at the surgery and stood there, flushed with excitement and shining with the sweat of his exertions. I didn't consciously make the decision to ask him to marry me, it popped out of my mouth without any input from my brain. I didn't take it back, I waited for an answer almost anxiously. I should have taken a photograph for posterity; Sherlock Holmes had looked well and truly gobsmacked for nearly two full minutes before giving his answer. He hadn't even put his usual sarcastic snark into it; just told me that he'd be well pleased but we were taking his name and... I tuned him out then, doing my best to burn the look in his eyes into my memory for eternity. I look back on it often; particularly when I want to kill him and be done with it.


End file.
